In pursuit of His heart

One New Years resolution

2012-01-06T14:33:00.000-08:00

I've never been a fan of New Year's resolutions. After all, what makes January 1 any better than July 7 or October 3?

But a new year followed by an old birthday, causes me to ponder. There is value to writing down what this ride of life is looking like at the moment. It's too rich to catch every subtle moment without making time to reflect. And God is such an amazing choreographer that His movements are too complex without His revealing them to me.

So I'll watch and pray for the right lens ... and the right perspective ... and the right teachability.

What does today look like?

Post-Holiday hangover.

The good kind of hangover where you're and tired but there are no regrets.

I've spent unusual time with my family. I'm amazed at the generation that my daughters are a part of. They are multi-tasking, socially connected wonders! They can laugh one moment then in the next one introduce an amazing profound insight... then in next moment they're watching a rerun of Friends. I love it! They are positioned to handle this chaotic world if they stay anchored in God's foundational grace.

I've also spent time with Connie's parents - and their generation. They act like most of their life is still ahead of them! And they're right. They've learned pacing - not because of limitations of moment or memory but because they get it. The most important moments are always missed ... unless you learn to look for them and dwell in them.

And then there's my generation. We Boomers. Fearless when it comes to talking about our wounds and our journey. Yet, fearful to do much about it. We're just beginning to grow into our ignorance. We are becoming comfortable in the realization that the more we experience and learn, they less we really know about life.

I'm so thankful for these holiday moments. It makes me appreciate God's goodness in so many ways.

So, I'm watching for what will be seen next...

Back to Ground Zero

2008-10-12T19:19:00.000-07:00

Papa has been talking to me about getting back to the the basics of my early faith. A time when God was so real and fresh and I knew He was there.

I'm not living with any doubts. My relationship with Him is so much more than in the early days. Yet, sometimes I'm too familiar with my relationship. I let the rhythm of His grace sing me to sleep.

It's good to be in awe all over again - not like a new child, but as a favored one.

Thanks Papa. Your grace still amazes me!

Remembering what I forget

2008-09-11T08:56:00.000-07:00

Today marks an amazing anniversary for my country - and my family. We were landing in Frankfurt, Germany right about the time the first plane struck the WTC towers. As it would turn out, we would be one of the last international flights allowed out of the U.S. and one week later we would land at O'Hare airport in Chicago to a virtually empty concourse (and we would represent one of the first flights allowed back into the country).

My memories of 9/11 are far more personal than they are national. I never viewed endless footage or listened to the talking heads. Our first newspaper was 36 hours after our landing and it was in the German language.

We focused on whether we would ever be able to get back home to our other two daughters. We agonized over leaving Reese in Germany (to attend her school - which was why we had traveled to Germany).

Of course, God worked in miraculous ways:

A friendly German culture who grieved with us - unlike two years later when we would return to pick Reese up and the anti-American sentiment was in full bloom.
A caring intelligent school for Reese to learn and grow.
The miraculous experience of being moved to the front of an unbelievably long line of Americans at the airport, because we were flying out on our scheduled day and time and everyone else was facing cancelled flights or wanting to fly home earlier.
A ticket agent who bent the rules and moved us off a cancelled flight to Paris (our connector) and put us on a direct flight into Chicago.
A brave United Airlines crew that individually volunteered to be one of the first crews to fly back into the U.S.
The final destination of Omaha, one of very few flights from Chicago that was not cancelled that day.
The joy in coming home - and finding a new respect and love for my country and a deeper gratitude to the kind attention of God

Today, I'm remembering what I forgot. Papa cares - no matter what happens. Sometimes in the midst of overwhelming sorrow and tragedy, He listens to the prayers of a frightened family in Germany and Minnesota.

What an amazing thing!

Change the Filter

2008-08-15T09:51:00.000-07:00

I just watched a repairman change a very dirty filter in our office air conditioner. Our office calendar reminds us each month that it's time to change the filters. We all understand that in order for that equipment to run at its best, the filter should be clear and clean. Meanwhile, it wasn't changed. It became clogged. The air conditioner stopped working. Knowing the truth about filters and believing it just wasn't enough.

I wonder how many times, I'm operating with clogged filters -especially when listening to someone else. There are times when I see someone else listening with a filter. Instead of hearing the words, they're interpreting the meaning - even before the person is done speaking.

Why can that be so easy to spot and yet my own filters are just as easily ignored? AND if there a filters that I use with people, are there filters I use when seeking the Lord's voice?

Honestly, it's probably not often ... but once is too much. Maybe that's why Jesus made such an odd statement, often. "He who has ears, let him hear."

Papa, thank you for Your filter-free hearing. Give me ears to hear.

Open Heart, Empty Hands

2008-08-01T10:55:00.000-07:00

I was stuck today by a quote from St. Augustine.

"Come to God with your petitions, but come to God with empty hands."

It made me wonder, how many times I come to God with expectations that are not part of His plan for me. I remember the story in John 9 where a man born blind was healed and the very religious people of that day could not recognize the miracle. It wasn't what they were exprecting.

How many miracles and messages from God do I miss because I'm looking for MY results - and not waiting on Him?

How many times do I judge what He is saying by what I can see (or think I need to see)?

How many times do I pray for what I want - and not listen for what He wants?

I need to be careful to remember that faith "is the evidence of things not seen."

A Day in the Life

2008-07-25T12:54:00.000-07:00

It's 3pm and my day is already over!

Not really! We still will entertain 15 people tonight (and I AM looking forward to it).

Each day this week has been made up of several unique/strange/demanding events. I can't be specific but it's been amazing to leave one intense situation and proceed to the next one. Today, by lunchtime, there had been five of them. Fortunately, after lunch, it was easy... unless your name is Jake and you were getting many stitches.... or your name is Dave and you had to keep thinking of bad jokes to help keep the focus off of the obvious pain.

This week reminds me of my incredible God (Papa). He could do anything by Himself - and the results would be perfect. But he uses me - even with all my foibles. This allows me to be a part of His working - and THAT is an incredible joy!

Sooo, thank you God ... and I gotta run ... there's a computer issue in the staff office.

2008-07-02T13:54:00.000-07:00

I've been home from my sabbatical for a few weeks. In some ways, it seems like it never happened. Coming back feels like walking back into the vortex of ministry and life. In other ways, every day has a difference because of my time alone with Papa. There are moments where the Lord's presence is so real - in the midst of the everyday - that it seems to make the everyday, unique.

I'm also being blessed with stories from people who are hearing from the Lord and allowing Him to work in their lives.

Ministry feels more like a spectator sport. I watch what God is doing, get involved when it's possible. Mostly it's just cool to see Jesus, the Minister, in action. The trick, for me, will be to remember this when the demands are .... so demanding.

The sabbatical continues - just in small doses.

Why Golf is soooo Important

2008-05-31T10:54:00.000-07:00

I finally found a reason to justify golf! Golf is like … Christianity. I’m serious! This time away, God has been showing me so much about basic disciplines and important “first steps” every morning. When I do this, my day seems to have better balance. No, I don’t think God is extra loving or gracious on those days. He is ALWAYS loving and gracious. These disciplines keep ME focused on what REALLY matters.

The other day, after learning some good new techniques on my golf swing, I played 9 holes. (Connie also played her first round and did very good).

For the first several holes, my game was better than ever. Then, I began to fall apart. I stopped doing what I knew was important – and the results were immediate.

That is so true of my daily time with Papa. He is always there for me and always ready to show Himself to me. But, it is still my decision as to whether time is taken to seek Him, wait on Him, be with Him.

So, life is like golf! OK, maybe not. But it’s a good reminder that while God never changes, I need to be continually changing and seeking and submitting and waiting and enjoying Him ….

Pictures

2008-05-31T10:44:00.001-07:00

Here are some pictures

We hiked over deep snow in the Cascades on May 23 to get the pictures above.

Connie took this along a little out of the way street on the Oregon shore.

These blooms are at a hidden rose garden overlooking the ocean.

God's power!

Finding Food!

2008-05-16T09:59:00.000-07:00

For some unknown reason, I found internet in the middle of hell’s canyon (deeper than the Grand Canyon) where cell reception is 20 miles away.

In my fourth day of solitude, I have discovered food! No, I haven’t been fasting and no, the picture above is not an accurate picture of my menu. But it does show that food can be found all around you.

In my weeks away, I have found the food that Jesus talks about. “I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never grow hungry.” (Jn 6:35) So, I’ve come to Him – each day – every moment. And He is showing me who He is through:

My Connie

My daughters (+ Thy who, as usual, took this picture)
God's creation (also taken by my son, Thylin)

I have to admit that I was waiting for the “so what.” I kept thinking, "Now that you’ve let me see parts of you Jesus, what do you want?" And you know what He keeps answering me? “Nothing.”

His food is NOT so we can have strength to do more. His food is to be in his presence – with no strings attached or no fine print in the contract.

Papa is an amazing God of love and grace.

Sabbatical, first entry

2008-05-12T21:05:00.000-07:00

I woke up with a deep desire to be alone with God. What makes this so unusual is the last few days I was unsure about this season. It seemed so inadequate to plan to seek the Lord. He is so beyond me - or anything that could ever be known. How can spending intentional time make that much difference? Yet, this morning God gave a longing to be with Him.

Tomorrow, I begin fives days of solitude. My only plan is to seek Him, wait on Him ......

Papa and I are going to have some amazing times together!

Beautiful Oregon Coast

2008-05-08T08:34:00.000-07:00

At low tide, you can see the starfish and urchins clinging to the rocks. We gathered mussels and had a tasty treat

This island below contains thousand of Sea Murrens. They look a little like penguines and have a special curved beak that allows them to dive into the ocean and gather several fish at the same time.

The low tide also allowed for some amatuer spelunking!

At evening time yesterday, we came upon a gentelman who was prepring to hang glide. It was amazing to watch!

Watching a minister in action

2008-04-29T18:09:00.000-07:00

I watched a good minister in action tonight. The kids love her and she has an ability to make them behave and learn without being too harsh. (Reminds me of her mother).

Time with some good men

2008-04-27T20:27:00.000-07:00

I couldn't understand why my preparation for this retreat was so strange. Instead of preparng a series of new messages, I was compelled to do a set of talks of keeping our points of references in right places. This was geared for mature men who have already made important decisions about their walk with Christ.
I had never met the men and had no idea what they would be like.
They were mature godly men - the Lord knew.
Many shared that this time was exactly what they needed. They are trying to live godly lives and deal with the pressures of men, father, dads etc. So many of them were tired and needing a fresh time with the Lord. I led them in individual times of devotion, prayer and allowing time for reflecting on Scriptures.
It was a great time!
The campground was along the Snake River (Washington on one side and Idaho on the other). The valley is deeper than the Grand Canyon. I saw deer, turkey and elk.
I plan to go back to this area for a time of solitude.
Next few days will be a daddy-do list for Melissa - good thing Chuck is along with me!
I will do a team-building workshop with the church staff on Wednesday.

I'm getting older.....

2008-04-02T19:26:00.000-07:00

I'm getting older. It's not a depressing thought - but it IS true. Here are the harsh signs that have led me to draw this concusion.

The other day I watched a squirrel for an uncomfortably long time. I enjoyed it. All I need is an afghan, a comfy chair, an attentive nurse and a good laxative.
I'm on week two of glasses. Sure I've needed reading glasses but that made me look studious. Now I wear bi-focals. My lenses are called "progressive" but there's nothing progressive about going from nothing to two lenses. And when it depresses me, I can't even hang my head in despair. When I do I can't read what I'm typing!
I'm out of RAM. In a gigabyte world, I have a 512 memory. It occurred to me why I keep forgetting things. In order to make room for one new thing to remember, I have to make room. There's no way to control what I will forget in order to make room for the new memory. So I remember where I left my keys and forget my zip code. That doesn't seem fair.
I measure my time in the bathroom by chapters. It used to be short, concise articles. The good news is I'm reading more than any other time in my life.

There is some good news. I'm learning to love the journey and chill out about the destination. Of course ... I can't always remember the destination.

The start of slowing down

2008-03-03T13:43:00.000-08:00

I am committing to sabbath - moments of reflection. Stop and smell roses impulses. One minute vacations.

I'm too busy and know I'm too busy - so I stay busy! In the weeks ahead this will change. It needs to. There are too many God-moments being missed. There are too many really good, really important things that are overwhelming the Great things.

So it begins... I have a suspicion the first phase will be a time of detoxification. Slowing down takes a lot of work! Listening to silence can get real noisy until the extra stuff finally leaves my mind.

May the meditations of my heart be acceptable to you, Lord, my Strength and Deliverer.

Watching the Invisible

2007-10-30T20:40:00.000-07:00

In the last several weeks, God has been doing some amazing things in our church sanctuary. Sometimes on Sunday morning, Saturday night and even Wednesday nights. It's as if He shows up and is asking "May I?" If we respond with, "yes!", He works in incredible ways. It's awesome to see - and yet I wonder about what is NOT being seen. Since faith "is the evidence of things not seen," God is doing so much more than what is visible. Makes me wonder if part of the joy of heaven will be in the ability to see all that God is doing. Just some ramblings.

Ground Zero

2007-09-26T15:10:00.000-07:00

It's 5:10 pm and in less than one hour, over 75 kids (grades 5 on up) will descend upon us. It's been a hectic day and yet that's normal for Wednesdays. I'm not surprized by this.

What surprizes me are the "moments of prayer" that seem to come when I can least afford to do anything. I'm busy with three things at once and then suddenly, there's a burden to pray and lift up a situation that may not even be connected to any of my three current projects.

God is so amazing that He can multi-task my heart and keep me attached to the most important things - even when I'm busy with good things (that usually are not most important).

Back in the saddle

2007-07-28T12:14:00.000-07:00

Back from a great time with Connie in Florida. Awesome to hold a handful of sand and remember that "more than the grains of sand" are God's thoughts toward me. Unbelievable. His creation is amazing and hidden unless time is taken to look at it. A simple seashell shows creative love. It reminded me of His intentional attention toward me.

"We have become believers rather than experiencers. To know God in the Scriptures always went beyond information to intimacy. We may find ourselves uncomfortable with this reality, but the faith of the Scriptures is an invisible reality. We become connected to the God of eternity. Who you are at the core is spirit. God is spirit. To walk with god is to journey in the spiritual realm." (Erwin McManus)

Watching and praying for friends

2007-07-13T16:13:00.000-07:00

My work with youth, at my advanced years, reminds me of the balancing act of serving. Either extreme is useless. Too much service and they depend on you for their spiritual health and protection (rather than on Jesus). Too little service and all they see is me - which can be a false portrayal of Jesus.

The need for balance drives me to my knees - daily. Even now, after a significant event with several youth, I find myself agonizing over their daily choices. Although I have known this for years, I'm reminded that my only recourse is prayer. Hard and steady. My favorite prayer becomes, "God, just show them the truth."